I'm a bird in flight with a broken wing.

My life has become Spring. If I had to choose a date to represent my life at this exact moment, it would have to be April 14. That day seems to be pretty ideal. The sun shines from the minute you pour yourself a bowl of Strawberry Frosted Mini Wheats to the minute you lay your head on the cool, silky pillow. The birds never land and the clouds continue to spread like marshmallow on a peanut butter sandwich. Even though different music can be heard from each open window on the block, it sounds good. It sounds right.

Like April 14, there is a lot that is right with me. Friendships, other ships, my confidence and my grades all seem to be prospering. They keep getting better. I am so pleased with this. Friday night/Saturday morning was incredible. These past few days I have found myself smiling. A lot. My cheeks hurt. I think finally I am getting what I want (reminds me of a song by The Smiths).

But I can't say that I'm completely happy. Though April 14 is an incredible day, I can't forget that April 15 is right around the corner. Normally when that type of a line is set up, it is usually inspiring. "A new day awaits..." But not in this case. After looking at the weather forecast, I realize that there is a 90% chance of rain with scattered thunderstorms. Though other things (ships, me, learning) are going well, there is still one unknown. Where the hell will I be next year? I was getting used to the idea of switching schools. After all, this school did fuck me over financially. But I am completely uninterested in the idea of leaving now. I have fallen for many, many things since I've been back here this semester. I just hate thinking about this. It scares me. I wish it didn't have to cost so much and I wish someone out there could just tell me that it's all good...no worries...the school wants you here. I don't know if I'd believe it, but it's worth a shot. I have completely made up my mind...I want to stay here next year. But at this point, I have not turned in the housing deposit, the school thinks I owe them money (because I do), I don't have a roommate in mind, and I don't know what classes I want to take or when to register because of all this money shit. I want to be here next year. I don't want to miss out. And I will do everything I can to be here. It just might be an awkward stay for me. I've already been offered to live on a couch here at school. I like that, but I don't think that can happen. Help?

I'm going to take an adventure one day and forget that this bad stuff ever happened. I want to accomplish college, without worrying about stupid money problems. In early August, I wrote to my senior year Humanities teacher Mr. Strittmatter. I told him that what I am most excited for in the coming years is the interactions I would have with people. I told him "everyone has a story. It just takes somebody to listen. I'm excited to listen." That is most important. You have a story....start sharing.

"Why think about that when all the golden land's ahead of you and all kinds of unforeseen events wait lurking to surprise you and make you glad you're alive to see?" -- Jack Kerouac, On the Road


btw...I am a great roomie. While Sam went home for the weekend, I decided to go alllll out for her birthday (which I won't be here to celebrate because it is sissy's birthday too!). I didn't have the supplies to decorate with real birthday decor like streamers so instead I used paper towels! I took long long strips of paper towels, twisted each one and duct taped them to the ceiling. Then I hung two signs saying "Happy Birthday Roomie!" from the pseudo-streamers. And our door is decorated, too! She'll be receiving a super present as well. When she least expects it. I am the best roomie! YAY!