Assembly Line

I've been putting off writing anything because I wanted something great to happen first. But nothing great has happened. Not even anything good. The past three weeks I haven't been able to breathe. I don't find any time to do what I want because all I have time for is class, homework, class again, homework again and dinner. At least I can eat. And nap (not the sleep kind). This shit blows. I wanna liveeeeee motherfucker. Not do homework 24/7. And I think since I constantly reject hangouts, I've started to slowly turn friends away. You know goddamn well I don't want that. About an hour ago, I entered a funk and I have no idea how to escape. On top of that, Maxey diagnosed me and I have a disorder. I've had the disorder since I can remember. Raw. I'm fucked. Stay away from me!

Things that aren't premium:
- TWO offers that I can't do anything about because I am too considerate. I am the WRONG person to do this to, assholes.
- Volcanoes on my face.
- I can't breathe.
- Remember when I used to twist wave? STOP BEING A DICKHOLE WHO CAN'T KEEP IT IN HIS PANTS!! >:o
- May is right around the corner... I can think of three reasons why I will cry. No more teenager, that time when you graduate and I will miss everything you are and how you've become one of my closest, most special friends! and that time that the other one will graduate and he won't know how great it could have been.

black slacks.

I don't feel like writing. So much has happened since I last said anything but nothing seems poetic enough to tell about. Ooohh, except the POETRY event I attended... :) That's poetic, right? That Saturday was incredible. Everything was perfect from the weather to the words to the crepes to sitting in the backseat effin' up da seatbelts. I wish I could relive that day and that night. I'm not feeling any metaphors. I'm not necessarily sleepy, I just think my head isn't in it right now. It was. And now it's not. Everytime I go on any website or even look to my left, I see a Free People magazine or ad and I'm reminded that I have no money to afford beautiful clothes like that in the magazine. But then I'm reminded again that I am unique and wear weird clothes that don't cost a lot and that puts me at ease. I want to go camping this weekend so I can at least say I did it and it didn't involve my parents. I can be an adult in the woods. I lied. I'm sleepy. I'm growing closer to friends and falling away from others.

Metafour

I gotta get over this funk. This obstacle. There are other roads out there if only I'd allow myself to follow them. I would like to think I've been on a dirt path this whole time, unaware of what might be in front of me. Woods all around with old gravel and dust kicking up under my shoes. I kinda like the idea of not knowing what old house this dirt path leads to. A house with twenty-five rooms, all waiting for me to open the doors and expose the secrets. A home with grass growing so tall, strangling the ideas from leaking out into the real world. I can't help that I feel more comfortable taking the risk. I feel obligated to take care of the overgrown grass and open every door to every room because maybe the house will understand that I'm the one who holds the right size key and the proper lawn mower. This house may be racked with termites eating away at the wooden beams keeping the structure intact, but I'd almost rather take the plunge with the support. I could choose to travel down the newly paved road because it's safe and has reflectors on the broken lines. It'll lead to a newly furnished house with a good sense of humor and a substantial library. Even though the house is secure with the thermostat set at a comfortable temperature, the bedroom doors are all open and a pile of fresh grass clippings sit clumped together by the garbage can. The mystery isn't there and neither are the butterflies.

I'm not finished.

You.

I have adjusted.
I'm not happy.
I don't do my work to the best of my ability.
I have Kanye West singing to me.
I've got bruises on my shins.
I have an empty stomach.
I developed a sense for scary dreams.
I've developed a sense for dreams with signs.
I wear more mascara.
I bit the skin around all my fingers because I'm stressed.
I have a band-aid on one finger.
I have lower abdominal cramps.
I have friends.
I know how to art.
I don't know how to speak up in class.
I do know how to hug those I love.
I have Journey singing to me.
I have a sense of humor.
I have a personality.
I have to poop.
I put twenty pounds of clay on my face yesterday.
I want to have more.
I have too much.
I, I, I.
You, You, You.
Me.

Amber Waves and Spacious Skies

Just in case.... I am slightly dizzy right now. After having re-read two very insightful and inspirational letters from a stranger and a good friend, I sat up to a wobbly, unstable world. I think maybe just a lot of blood cells swam up to my brain all at once. That might have been because I was hanging over my bed upside down, mimicking a cave dwelling mammal while I was reading said letters. But either way, I'm a bit dizzy, and really cold. I hope I haven't contracted any sicknesses since I've returned to school cause that would just be one hell of a Debbie Downer. The icy rain today managed to soak through every layer of me, and I think I can conclude that it is at least partly the reason for my permanent shiver.

Last weekend I went to a carnival with Ryan and about ten other fantastic people. That was the kind of fun I was looking for, exactly. Three hours before I departed in the back of Matt's car with Ryan riding shotgun, I had no idea what the night would hold for me. But then Ryan and Rose let me in on the happenings of the carnival/firework combo that was only about twenty minutes away from FDU. I went on a journey with Ryan to the Himalaya, ya know, the ride that goes in a circle super fast so that you end up with half of your ass on the other person's lap, all the while loud club music is bouncing off of the flashy neon lights that are bouncing off of your fixed grin. It was almost as good as challenging Elyse, Rose and Shawnsy to the Sizzler. The fireworks were the best part of the night, however. In honor of Labor Day, the overcrowded carnival placed on firm ground decided to shoot off a half hour worth of pyrotechnics. Patriotic sounds blasted over the loudspeakers as all the rides stopped turning and as colors blew up the sky. In the beginning, the worked fire was nothing impressive, but after about three minutes, a beautiful array of yellow starbursts and blue fading crackles made their way into each and everyone's reflected gaze. We made references all night to The Sandlot, especially when "America the Beautiful" came on and we all felt just as humble as Squints as he looked up at the magic booming in the sky.

So far, this second year of school is aight in my book. There are some friends who I'm disappointed in for their lack of contact. There is one person I'm disappointed in for lack of contact. But that person is doing enough to keep me hanging on. Let's just hope I don't hang for too long before something amazing happens. Other than that, classes can suck it but my lovely bunch of weird friends do not have to. Also, I absolutely LOVE meeting new people. I have been meeting and connecting with people so often and I don't think I could ask for anything better than that.

You Are Beautiful.

Sweet on Grinding?

It's my second night as a sophomore. I can get used to this. I made the transition from eighteen year old to nineteen year old not too long ago, I don't think the switch to a second year college student should be difficult. Remember when I said I was going to have a roommate that I didn't know, except she lived above me and Sam last year? Well, she's not my roommate. When I arrived, heaving and ho-ing with cargo in tow I saw that the print out on the door had the three sets of girls in our suite. Except next to my name was 'Nadine.' Hmmm.. that's weird. Kimberly & Nadine. That name sounds oddly familiar. Probably because it's my middle name and the RA who typed up the room sheet was confused and thought my middle name was my roommate. So for now, I'm livin' it up as a single gal in the middle room of our suite. I threw up (yuck!) some posters and my collages and also my small string of Christmas lights. Cause I don't sleep in the dark. Also though, if everything goes well in Residence Life, after two weeks I'm going to try to switch into the Maxey/Sam/Dana/Jess/Julie suite two buildings away. They are my friends and I think I would much rather be with friends than secluded in a suite of juniors from a sorority. Either way, I'm happy though. These rooms are cool and for the two week freeze period, I'ma enjoy this freedom. Funny thing... the same thing happened last year and then the best possible situation occurred. Sam became my roommate. So I'm going to stay positive.

I'm happy about all the hugs I've been receiving. I like all my friends a lot. Even more when they hug me. Except when Isaac hugs me and puts his sweaty arm nook on my neck. GROSS. But I think it's great that I get to see so many familiar faces once again. It's great that the new faces have arrived as well. I see girls who look confused walking through the cafeteria and instantly I'm reminded of the first week when finding who to sit with was a challenge. A lot of the time I sat alone with a book in hopes that someone would strike up a conversation with me about how wilted the lettuce is or how they hope they can switch into their friend's bio class. That usually never happened. This year, I'm going to be keeping an eye out for the girl sitting in the back of the cafeteria with a book, waiting.

I just got done reading a letter Ryan wrote me. There is this incredible she man grunting in the photograph on the cover of the card. His eyes are highlighted by black eyeliner and sparkling silver eyeshadow. His 'ferocious floozy' lipstick accentuates his three day old beard and nicotine stained rotting teeth. His natural dark sideburns poke their way through the fire engine red straw wig he has perched on his head. From the creases in his face and the crows feet developing around his eyes, I'd say he was at least forty-two. And he is beautiful. Not as beautiful as the letter Ryan wrote. It is raw and true. Did I ever tell her (you) that I'm glad I'm your (her) friend? Cause I really am. Moments like this card and me meeting her other roommate who has heard so much about me means that we are real friends. The second Ryan meets my friends, she'll find out that I have only good things to say about her adorable clothes and awesome taste in LIFE! :) Ryan, you are absolutely correct. It is an incredible feeling to know that there are people out there who can trust one another without even having the pleasure of meeting. And that is exactly why I am going to re-read the letter from on the road once again before I retire super early into dream land.

The Good:

-I was complimented on my red acid washed jeans 4 times today. Rumor has it, people thought my jeans were from American Apparel or Urban. Nope. Neither. Macy's :) Also, two girls I've never met before told me I looked ready to curb stomp someone!

-My hair was successful with all of her bobby pins and necklace as a headband lovin'.

-These peanuts that I can't stop eating.

-Hugs.

The Not-So-Good:

-The belly ache I have acquired from eating a spicy buffalo chicken wrap and the damn door to the bathroom that seems to always be propped open.

-Cuts from shaving in the tiny shower. I will never grasp the hang of the showering here. Now I have scratchy legs and band-aids.

Old beginnings and split ends

One day and fourteen hours and I'm bustin' on out of Mount Laurel. It's semi-sweet. Like the chocolate chips that I put in my homemade cookies. I'll savor it but I might drop some crumbs along the way. Why do I make such retarded comparisons? My departure for Fairleigh Dickinson University is much needed but I feel a different sort of connection to my home at this point in time. I've finally arranged my living quarters the way I want it to be. To the left to the left is an enormous mounted paper plate with it's gigantic potato chips from my eleventh grade art major assignment. Every where I turn, there are Kim drawings, paintings and posters that make my 'That 70's Color' yellow wall paint humble itself. I like this situation but I know that being back at Fairleigh, living partly on my own, will be once again a fantastic experience. Even if it's kinda hard for me to comprehend right now...

I saw Taking Woodstock last night with Jill, Jordan and Stina. It was a successful movie. I don't see myself ever growing out of the phase where I wish I spent three days in hippie splendor rolling around in mud or building human totem poles just to see Hendrix rip it or Joe Cocker convulse 'With A Little Help From My Friends.' The clothes in the movie were the shit and even though the film focused very little on the concert itself, and more on the process of assembling the festival, I was very pleased with the film. It was a super fantastic way to end the summer. Emile Hirsch and the hippie homefront <3

There isn't much else to say. I don't think I'll have time to sit down and do this tomorrow so that's why I'm doing it today. I have one more friend to say goodbye to tomorrow and then I'll be good. Last year, said friend (LEIGH-ANN!) spent a few hours on my couch with me late into the night before I left. We watched dumb youtube videos and hugged a lot. I don't think that'll happen this year since we already know that we're not leaving for good, just for a few months. AND WE HAVE SKYPE SO WE'RE DOING IT AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK! oooh la laaa :) Anywhoo, I'm pretty much packed save for my clothes being put into their orange and purple baskety thingys. But it's all set out on the table so all that needs to happen tomorrow is the folding and placing. And then I'll also have to get everything into the carSUVtruck. And Oma, my grandmama, is staying with us for the week. Rather, she's staying with Emily and my mom cause like I said, I'm scootin' in a day. She has been over generous with her checkbook and for that, HOLLA! :) She's cool too, cause she sways to Lil' Wayne when I make mixed cds and put them on in the carSUVtruck. Ladies is pimps, too. Go on and brush those shoulders off, Oma!

Things to look forward to for the first week of school:
-SEEING MY FRIENDS! HELL YESSSSS. There are a lot of people I've spoken to this summer but haven't seen in a long ass time. I'm glad I can see their bright bubbling faces again!
-Sam Party in her suite with the ladies ;) and then moving it over to Sam's castle to meet up with the boyzzz. God I'm excited. Sammy K. knows how to throw a shindig and I think I'm especially going to love this one!
-Development of Art II on Thursday. There will be better topics and hopefully a better professor. If for some reason that horrible woman haunts this art class, I'm switching majors to Accounting :/
-The cafe food.... Bahaha, just kidding. Only the Cap'n Crunch.

That's it, guys. Even though summer won't officially end until the autumnal equinox on September 22, the spirit of summer will be coming to a close for another year. Honestly, I couldn't have asked for a more secure summer. I had a good one, 2009. THANKS, BOO! :)